The Heaviest Element Known to Science

I don't have an author for this.  It came via email.  Enjoy.

 

The Heaviest Element Known to Science

 Governmentium is the latest element  Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered.
 
 Laboratory research  has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. 
 
The new element, *Governmentium (Gv)*, has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. 
 
These 312 particles are *held together by forces called morons*, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
 
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes intocontact.  A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that 
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. 
 
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years.  It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. 

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each *reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.* 
 
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical  morass*. 

 
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium*, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Comments

[Katie]

No protons? So its atomic level is zero?

[Katie]

Gah I meant atomic number. Doh. (Ow my nerd cred.)

[nell nestor]

And it's only just been discovered? Seems like to me this stuff's been around for quite a while.

[Bears]

This dates at least from the Roman Empire, or possibly the Assyrian.

[Bonnie]

My colleague Jeff Harris maintains that there is a Law of Conservation of Bureaucracy -- the existence proof being that when the Soviet Union collapsed, that bureaucracy could not be destroyed, and therefore it wound up in the U.S. Department of Energy. For 10 points (and restored nerd cred), define the amount of governmentium required to create a critical morass in the Forrestal Building.